A Man's Depression

A confluence of events revolving around men's depression means - oh you betcha - I'm posting about depression in the male. Movember just wrapped up and I wore a 'tache. During that 'tache wearing phase, I was privy to the good and hard facts the kind folks at Movember sent out. Here are the numbers from Movember's partner beyondblue:

Around one million Australian adults and 100,000 young people live with depression each year. On average, one in five people will experience depression in their lifetime - one in four females and one in six male.

That's pretty high. There are actually several types of mental illness that are slotted in under beyondblue's care and the over-title depression. Once again, beyondblue:

• Major depression - a depressed mood that lasts for at least two weeks. This may also be referred to as clinical depression or unipolar depression.
• Psychotic depression - a depressed mood which includes symptoms of psychosis. Psychosis involves seeing or hearing things that are not there (hallucinations), feeling everyone is against you (paranoia) and having delusions.
• Dysthymia - a less severe depressed mood that lasts for years.
• Mixed depression and anxiety - a combination of symptoms of depression  and anxiety. 
• Bipolar disorder - (formally known as manic depressive illness) - involves periods of feeling low (depressed) and high (manic). 

So, dudes get depressed. No big deal men, we're all human. There's no shame in the way our brains can sometimes work against us. In fact, an open approach to mental health is part of the awareness campaign Movember runs. It's OK that dudes get brain pain and hey, we have places to call and go to make it better, to help. A man who has helped the types of fellows who might otherwise withdraw into the dark, dank cupboard of depression is Gary Ablett. I know this is old news, but I stumbled across this article. In it he describes his depression and his subsequent addiction to cocaine, among other drugs, to numb the mental anguish. There's a conflict in this article that I'll address briefly then move on: he was a fool to resort to drugs and while many fall for this trap, there are moments of lucidity when the black veil is lifted and the depressed man can see where he is. It's in this moment, or moments, when we need to make that call, to choose the path that leads us out of the darkness, out of a drug's perverted, damaging love and into a life of self-control. To get so incredibly absorbed by the wrong choices, over and over again, is to me a sign of stupidity. Of the easy option. Of failure. It is an incredibly tough and some might say manly thing to ask for the help required to escape.

On the other hand, Mr. Ablett is great for being able to speak to a segment of manhood who might see depression as, well, bullshit. It's real, men, and it strikes artists and football players, dancers and tradies, professors and accountants, brothers, sons and dads. Suffering from depression is not weakness, stupidity or failure. These things are the result of choices we make and have control over. The physical construct and activity of our brain is completely the opposite. You can't stop getting depression any more than you can stop getting pancreatic cancer. There are ways to try and prevent it, but if you get it, it's nobody's fault, unless you blame someone for rain when you're out for a run. If you do, then blame that guy, girl, higher power or abstract concept, but don't blame yourself.

Movember and beyondblue have several aims, but one of them is awareness. Awareness is a term bandied about so often by organisations and not-for-profits that I think it sometimes loses meaning, like when you say broccoli over and over in your head and suddenly you have no idea what broccoli is anymore. To these organisations, awareness is about shining a light on truth. The obstruction of this light is rumour, hearsay and ignorance. Mental health and mental illness are heavy with stigma, often due to misunderstanding in those who simply don't know any better. Awareness hopes to make those people know better, to show depression in the right light so that those afflicted don't have to feel any worse than they already do. And believe me, depression feels dreadfully awful enough without having to worry about how everyone else sees you.

I've battled the blue twice in my life. The first lasted about three months, the second lasted two. I'm lucky in that respect, because while the length of each bout was enough to determine it clinical, I was able to reach out to a counselor in both instances and find ways to get out. I happen to go into hospital every three months for an unrelated illness called cystic fibrosis (although having a chronic disease can lead to causal depression), so I took advantage of that and spoke to my doctor and an in-house psychologist. You can do that guys, you can just mention it to your GP. We spoke a few times and even discussed going on anti-depressants, but I was able to work with her unmedicated and come out the other side. After the first quarter of a year of depression I installed an internal CCTV camera with face recognition software, firmly lodged inside my skull. Understanding how depression feels, I can now monitor every thought, mood and feeling that passes through check-in and if the CCTV system recognises too many known offenders, I can get the right people to intervene. That is exactly why the second bout only lasted two months. I saw it coming and got it seen to. But the method of detection is similar to skin cancer, breast cancer or prostate cancer. Just like a mole changing under a month of observation, the warning sign of depression is dark, disturbed, violent or suicidal thoughts, moods or feelings that stay around too long. My experience of depression saw long, painful days with the occasional moment of lucidity. It's these moments you must take advantage of. Know what you're looking for and if you think there's even the remotest chance you have the symptoms, you need to see a professional.

Self-medication is not the way, nor are home remedies or simply ignoring the problem. Ignore cancer and you die. Ignore depression, you could well die by throwing yourself under a train. Both deaths are the result of illness, but both have the possibility, the hope of a cure. So if you're feeling that hopeless, helpless, heartless feeling but happen to be reading this article, or see a man with a moustache or notice a clear blue sky, remember how you used to feel before the darkness came and ask for help. You can get back there again.