Top 10 Free iPhone Apps for Nerds

There's lots of apps in the Apple store. Like, lots. 200,000. That's a lot. Here are the ones I think are tops, the top 10 apps for people like me: nerdy, business-minded gamers who drink too much coffee.

ANZ goMoney
If you don't have an ANZ account, this one's less useful, but as a bank app, it's incredible. You sign up once using your bank account details and input a unique PIN for your phone only. Once that's done, you only ever have to type in your unique PIN to gain fast, instant access to your accounts. You can customise the images for each account, using pre-loaded ANZ card designs or your own photo library. Very slick.

iSpy Analytics
Maybe not the best google analytics app, but for free, it's pretty great. A lovely, clean red design and pie charts mean you've got an interface you don't need to strain your eyes for and a fairly broad range of reports for multiple accounts. As an analytics junkie, I'm always quickly checking blog or website stats on the go.

Shazam
A general favourite, this guy listens to a song on the radio or through the speakers of the clothes shop while you wait for your partner to come out of the changing room, and tell you who performs it, what album it's from and what it's called. Simple, yet one of those apps you've unknowingly wanted for years.

Skype
Skype is obvious, but when you combine the iPhone, headphones with built in mic and a video game console, you have free, wireless, cheap connection to chat while gaming, without needing to buy the rather overpriced accessories Xbox and Playstation sell. If your game drops out, your connection to friends doesn't.

Showtimes
This is the most useful, comprehensive movie times app I could find for we poor Australians. There are plenty of movie time apps, but too many cater to only the US or only a small handful of Aussie cinemas, usually limited to main cities or a specific chain. This guy gives you plenty, with links to trailers, times and purchasing outlets.

Gametraders
This app connects you to Gametrader, an Aussie video game store retail chain. You get the skinny on hot deals, but more handily, you also have a virtual video game shelf. Add games you want to your wish-list shelf, then press them to shift them over to the games you own shelf, before finally shifting them once more to the trade in pile. You can also mark which games have been leant out and link them to your contact book. I also use this app to show family what I want for Christmas.

Toilet Map
Run by the federal government, this app is a pretty comprehensive survey of Australian public toilets. I've used other apps for this purpose, but most are very slow and US-centric. Being run by our own government, and designed for people with bowel and bladder health problems, Toilet Map can get you out of tight spots fast. All it needs is the ability to update info on johns.

HoursTracker
Get the lite version and you have a very thorough job tracker. Set up multiple jobs and clock on and off at your leisure, running several jobs at the same time. You can manually input hours and set different hourly rates for each job. The reporting can be broken down into day or job based summaries, and all of it can be exported as excel or PDF.

Domino's
Order your pizza, save your favourite orders and then watch the clock run through the different stages of your order in real time. I loe this because I know when to start salivating and when to get angry that my pizza's taking ages despite the clock saying it was delivered. A bit buggy when the phone locks, but otherwise neat.

Flashlight
Very simple, but when they added the ability to activate the flash on the back of the iPhone 4 and use it as a very powerful LED light, I blew my stack. Otherwise, use a bright white screen to find your keys or look under the hood of your car. I also use this with my iPad to act as a fill light for low budget film shoots.http://itunes.apple.com/au/app/anz-gomoney/id387076038?mt=8

5 Common Irks For Those Who Know CF Patients

My friend and old housemate Dr. Sean Fabri sent me a sweet companion piece to my 5 CF irks! Read on to see what gets the goat of those who know sickos like me.
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Irk # 1.

The stenches. CF patients don't digest their food very well, which is why they're on all those tablets. Occasionally this gives rise to them passing wind, but not a normal wind, more of a yellow, screaming demon wind, which is going to claw your eyes out, and linger far longer than you thought possible. On long roadtrips, Simon would periodically shoot hot injections of this wind into my car seats.

Irk # 2.

The coughing is easy to get used to. I've lived with someone with CF, and you just tune it out, or in fact, use it to locate them in shopping centres, or remind you that they're okay. Except, of course, that there is almost always a coughing fit at 4am, which ends abruptly, and you lie awake thinking, "is he okay? what if he's not? I can't check, he does this every night. But what if this time...?"

Irk # 3.
The venom with which they rail against kids with cancer. It makes perfect sense. The cancer kids get all the resources and fame. But somehow hearing the rants against them feels like you're breaking a taboo. Society will forgive them, but YOU will be thrown to the vipers, just for having listened sympathetically.

Irk # 4.

You never get the tiniest shred of sympathy from them when you're suffering a minor cold, or sore tummy.

Irk # 5.

Linked to irk #1, the poor digestion means that CF patients can eat pretty much the fattiest, most wicked foods, all day long, and not really put on much weight. I understand this is actually a disadvantage for them, but when you are on a diet, and you've had an apple for lunch, and you're still putting on flab, and then they casually eat an entire roast turkey while you both wait for a bus, well... it's annoying.

 

5 Common Irks CF Patients Put Up With

I have Cystic Fibrosis or CF. It's a disease far too many people know far too little about. Here are some of the irksome things I and many like me often put up with that are unique to people with diseases. (I know most of the time people are trying to help, but too bad!)

The Home Doctors
I don't have one doctor who looks after me, I have a team of them. Their leader is a specialist in CF and respiratory illness. She not only spent 10+ years at university, she went on to study and focus her considerable scientific knowledge on my specific disease. So when some taxi driver, tram passenger or dude with an arts degree gives me advice on my sickness, it really grates my cheese. Thanks pal, but I'm covered!

The Home Remedies
I'm on a litany of drugs that keep me healthy and alive. I take over 80 tablets a day.  Literally. There are pancreatic enzyme replacements extracted from porcine digestive tracts, inhaled genetic therapy that breaks down bronchial mucousal DNA and histamine inhibitors focused on gastric acid neutralisation. But yes, I'm sure your suggestion of cutting out milk and instead drinking honey and lemon in some warm water will do just fine.

Osteoporosis
So this one's kinda funny. Most people have no idea what CF is. Some have a hazy notion they may have pulled from a TV movie or a distant relative, and at best they remember the general thrust of the illness. Others, when I tell them I have cystic fibrosis, say, "What, the old lady bone disease?"

Cancer
When I was young, admission to hospital was always at the Royal Children's. I was there fairly regularly, once or twice a year for two or three weeks at a time, and one visit I was lucky enough to be there for the opening of the Starlight room. This was a mythical cave of fun: all the current consoles, books, TV, lego, toys...awesome. The CF kids from the two respiratory wards were allowed to be the first ones in, snuck through before the official opening. Our recreation officer took us all down, buzzed out of our brains with excitement. When we got there, she went ahead, spoke to someone then came back dejected. She informed us the cancer ward children had beaten us to the punch, and we weren't allowed in because TV camera crews were in there covering it. Devastating! That day I learned from the nurses that there's a rivalry between the CF kids and the cancer children, and it's a resource war: charity donations, funding, equipment, sympathy. So curse you cancer kids, curse you!

A Glass of Water
I cough. A lot. It's part of the deal, and I do it because my manky lungs are trying to get nasty, sticky mucous up and out. It's got nothing to do with my throat, my stomach or dehydration...yet everyone always seems to tell me - after hearing me cough a few times - that I should have a drink of water. Yeah, you're absolutely right! Water going into my stomach! That'll dislodge my phlegm, dry up my mucous, correct the genetic delta f508 mutation and put me right on track! Why didn't I think of it before!? All these years I could've been drinking water and curing my disease!

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That's it! Does anyone else have any I've missed? Are there any irks you suffer due to your own illness, or even because of a specific job you hold? Leave a comment!

The Rules of my Dreams

Let me tell you about the very specific, unbreakable rules of my dreamworld. I have no idea why or from whence these rules were forged, but they play an indelible role on every fantasy and nightmare I've ever had. I can't break them, as hard as I try, and despite the obvious influence my own brain has on the formation of dreams, I feel that I never purposefully established or enforced the strict guidelines dream-me has to live by.

For one, I can run almost never. If there is a situation that requires haste, running is slower than walking. When I try to sprint I'm taken by a sudden and overwhelming heaviness that weighs me down so much so that running is impossible. It's like walking through invisible sand piled up to my chest. If I'm in the middle of a scene, being chased by CIA agents big, black over coats, sunglasses and dark trilbys, I might panic to the point of forgetting the rules I'm bound to and try as hard as I can to run away. My entire body literally bends against the restriction and I grab at the wall next to me or the gate just within reach, pulling myself through the mental muck. It's excruciatingly slow and frustrating. Yet, as soon as I remember, "Oh yeah, The Rules," I straighten up, stop trying to run and simply begin the first pace of a brisk walk. Immediately the heaviness melts away and I can now make good my escape. A simile is like when you punch wet sand and the sudden force turns the stuff hard and impenetrable, but as soon as you relax your hand and push lightly, your fingers slip under the surface of the sand with the flying trapeze.
The second unavoidable rule that I never invented, but discovered through experimentation in the dreamworld of Simon, is the precise nature of flying. I can usually fly in dreams, especially if I pull myself out of a passive state when I realise I'm mid-dream. More than once I've been in a tremendous fight at the top of stairs in and old clock tower, only to be over powered and thrown through the banister. At the exact moment I look down and recognise I'm about to fall to my death, I actually say to myself, in mid-air and a fraction of a second, "Hang on, this is a dream, Ha!" and as I swoop down, I pull up sharply with my will and rocket up, through the ceiling and into a new lucid escape. The rules of flight, however, are immutable.

1. I cannot simply take off in any direction. There's a method. First, I have to crouch down as low as I can and then push up, as if trying to jump as high as I can. Only the jump works much better than you'd expect and I launch directly vertical. I can't simply jolt forward Superman style.
2. I need to reach a certain altitude before I can begin horizontal flight. After this first big jump, I usually go up, up, up over the city or country, so high that the clouds whip through my hair and all the lights below are breathtakingly far from my floating feet. Sometimes I feel a little giddy in my tummy or get that weird swooping sensation in my groin (like what you get in the forward motion on a swing). I then start a head first dive. If I don't get enough height, the dive ends with me having to quickly pull my head up and land back on my feet. However, I can use the momentum as if the ground was a trampoline, and I'll immediately launch back up again. I pretty much always make teh required height on the second go.
3. Flight is not unlimited. Once I get the right height, as I swoop down I'll know and at the last moment, before I hit the ground, I pull up sharply and rip straight back up, over the threshold of height, and I start flying through the air like the little plumber does in Mario 64. After a few dips and pull ups, I can fly pretty much unhindered until I need to land, at which point I glide down at a weak angle and then softly pull up and plop onto my feet.

I have no idea why, but that is how I have to fly in dreams.
The last rule isn't anywhere near as solid as the other two, but pretty prevalent in Simon's dreamworld. When I websling or shoot guns, I sometimes do it through a Playstation controller. For shooting, this is occasional. For webslinging, a Playstation controller is a must. The way it works is a bit odd. Imagine my dream as a scene you're watching through a screen that takes up your entire vision. Now, when I want to sling across the city like Spidey, my hands pop up at the bottom of the eyeball screen. My mind controls the controller, and at the very same time, the me inside the dream, but the controller controls the webslinging direction and when I shoot each rope of webbing. Usually It's L1 for the left arm, R1 for the right, the left joystick for direction of swing and the right joystick (with far more precision and speed than the real Playstation) is used to aim where exactly I'm aiming the next web shot.

Weird, huh? These rules just are, and always have been, and pretty much never change as far back as I can remember.

REVIEW: Pikelets

If you want pre-made, pre-packaged pikelets, here's the skinny:

Golden pikelets are a cheeky little entry from George Weston's food range. They make this very strange crumpet toast which I really like smeared in honey and crusty hot. Liking a previous product and being drawn in by their colours and branding, which for some reason said immediately to me, "Yes, I will like these," I tried these pikelets first. But they are yuck. The wrong texture, being hard and tacky not soft and fluffy like they should be. The taste? Nup. No good. Artificial and chemically when compared to a nice home made batch. Fail.

If you stroll into Coles, you may be tempted to get their own branded bag. It looks fresh, made just today in-store. Sounds like it should be delicious, right? Wrong! They are actually a little bit plain. Quite cheap though. I recommend these if you are feeling like a savoury snack. Their lack of sweetness and overall doughy flavour means you could put some melted cheese and ham on these babies and gobble gobble gobble.

Ding ding ding! Hot dog, we have a weiner! Mighty Soft's 8 pack of pikelets is by far the best. Light, fluffy, soft and sweet: the holy quadrilogy of sweet baked goods. These babies get a nice, light crisp when you toast them but are just as delicious straight out of the bag. I've found myself tearing in on many an occaision. Not surprisingly they are the most expensive, but it's worth the extra 30c. Put some butter on it and enjoy!

5 Social Media Tips for Parents

Social media is a fascinating part of today's internet. Facebook, Twitter and MySpace are the most well known, but every day someone is trying to create the next hot thing. As friends from around the globe connect with one another to share their online experience, the parents of those friends will always be trying to connect with their own spawn through the medium we know as social. Whether it's to keep track of your bird out of the nest, stay up to date with their personal life or to upgrade to Nagging 2.0, here are some pointers for you parents out there to use social media in a more harmonious way and maybe actually get your friend request accepted by Son or Daughter.

1. Know how it works. With the really bleeding edge stuff, even us kids need to get oriented. Do the same! Once you've signed up, or beforehand, look for a FAQ (frequently asked questions), user guide or even peruse YouTube for a video that explains what the software or website is and how it works. The simplest way is to see how everyone else is using it first. That way, you look like a tech-savvy Ma or Pa who won't be bugging their kid every ten minutes asking how the simplest of functions work.
   
   
2. Stay on topic. There's a common acronym that started on message boards: OT. It's short for Off Topic, and is something said to warn a user who has posted something that strays from the subject matter of the rest of the thread of conversation. This is quite annoying, as it essentially hijacks and thus disrupts everybody's enjoyment of the conversation. So, apply this to Facebook for an example: your daughter is in Bali and has posted a picture of her riding an elephant. Below, a few of her friends are asking about the cute elephant-keeper. This is not the time to comment, "Have you called your Auntie Jude? She'd appreciate it."
   
   
3. Start a mutual dialogue. Most modern social media is all about back and forth conversation. If you want to start a conversation with your child, then start one afresh in the way the social medium always intended. On Facebook, it's a post on their wall. On Twitter it's a Direct Message or by including their username with an @ at the start. On their blog, it's leaving a comment on their post (keep it relevant!). Or share a photo or video or link with them using the little 'share' buttons built into the original page you think your kid will like.
   
   
4. Everything can be seen by everyone (almost). Social media is about sharing your experience of the internet publicly, for all to see. A majority of parents don't understand that everything they post on their child's profile is visible to every single friend or often the entire online world. If you absolutley must talk to your child about something personal or awkward through social media (I strongly advise against it), then identify the private channels available. Facebook, MySpace and general profile based sites have Inbox and Messaging features, while Twitter provides Direct Messaging - but really, use an email or better yet, a phone. Otherwise, at best, it's the equivalent of demanding your little boy give you a kiss goodbye in front of his mates at school. Not cool Mum. Not cool.
   
   
5. Be sociable. I'll reiterate once more the point of social media: sharing the internet with friends. Most of us are on to chat, post links and have pleasant, easy-going fun. If you want to enter that world, remember, they are under no obligation to friend you and you're talking to your kid on their turf, so use it for the right reasons. The truth is, they need to accept your friend request so you need to make sure there's a reason for them to do so. A lot of social media users use it as a place to escape the gripes of life, so don't ruin it for them, or you may find lil Timmy or sweet Sarah blocking yo ass. It was originally called Friendster, not Nagster.

Images I Found...

...while writing the Future Movie News article. They didn't really relate to the post, but they were too hilarious to not put up somewhere.