Dec 11, 2012

Apple Isn't Good Any More, Or, Everyone Else Is Better

Here's what I figure, after exploring for my own personal use:

When it came to phones and tablets, Apple was great. Steve Jobs, like or loathe, was central to the vision of Apple. He would say no to releasing a product if it didn't meet his standards. Sometimes, that was in conflict with traditional business imperatives. There must have been executives, marketers, salespeople urging Jobs to do anything from releasing more versions of products in a year to squeezing more out of the equity consumers had built in Apple. Steve kept the wolves at bay, so to speak.

Then he died.

Now, to me, it seems like the wolves are chewing the fat off the bones. iDevices are coming thick and fast, with substandard updates, rubbish software and unexciting advances. I remember when we'd read the list of updates to an iPhone and marvel at the changes, salivate for the differences, be pleased with the innovation. The gap each successive iPhone or iPad jumps gets narrower and narrower. It's clear to me that those in charge of Apple are taking advantage of the fact that when a person thinks of a smart phone, they think of an iPhone. They got such market share and recognition for long enough, that early adopters turned into my parents. They went from fighting for the top, to cruising the sky.

The resulting auto-pilot lead me and my girlfriend to pull our heads out of the clouds and look around.

Everyone else caught up, and they have features that either should always have been in iProducts, or far surpass them in terms of innovation and usefulness. Now, my fiancee is going to buy a Samsung Galaxy S III, and when we look around, we notice the same early adopters that got the original iPhone - the dev nerd, the media geek, the gadget aficionado - already has one. I just booted up my Sony Xperia S Tab for the first time today.

Apple was great. I'm not going to be an oversimplifying idiot and talk about cults or zombies. Instead, I'll say that when Apple was innovating, I loved the iPhones and iPads I bought, and any shortfalls were worth it because of the highlights...until they weren't.

Dec 7, 2012

Unhappy Australians In An Unhappy (But Well Off) Country

There were reports earlier this year about the nation experiencing a good economic and social situation in an increasingly downturned world, but that Australians were still negative about their outlook. We were seen as being out of step with reality, with other nations worse off than us coming off more positive about the future. Shorthand: we looked like a bunch of privileged, whining complainers.
I had two experiences with strangers recently that emphasised those reports.

I had my scooter towed. The man who picked us up took me into the city, and we got to talking while I bobbed along in his passenger seat.

Among the stories of identity theft and scooter efficiency, the driver decried superannuation as the biggest scam perpetrated by a government rife with business interference. I suggested that maybe it was a good thing we all had to prepare for retirement, but he insisted the money just sitting there, earning interest or making profit off investments that the superannuation owners got to enjoy was outrageous. I offered that it was a good thing we'd been given a choice of who to trust our super with. Nope, he wouldn't have a bar of it. As far as he was concerned, people using our money to make a profit was awful.

"You can always just stash it in a bank, then, or a coffee can under your bed?"

The second chap came to install our oven. We talked about the high cost of living, and he asked if I thought it was better in America. I told him it was most decidedly not. Healthcare, education, working conditions. No way. And perhaps the higher cost of living was necessary for a better life in a better country. He seemed dissatisfied with that, shrugged.

A few tweaks of his screwdriver later, he complimented the suburb I live in. We spoke about how the west of Melbourne is a growth area, that we'd bought because we thought we'd get a good price when we eventually sold. He said it still wouldn't be much, though, compared to what we'd paid and what we'd have to pay for a new place.

He shared with me the original price of his property in Narre Warren, mere tens of thousands. I remarked that now, once he sold, he'd make huge profit. Nope, because then he'd have to buy another place and lose it all. This man was actually complaining about the big profit he'd make on his real estate sale. He'd bought early, just like my parents had in the same south eastern part of Melbourne. Now that prices are so high out there, it's the perfect time for folks like him to take advantage of the market. But nope, everything's the worst.

"My mum's probably going to sell her four bedroom and get a smaller one-bedroom now that we kids have moved out, and sit pretty off the difference."

"But even one-bedrooms are too expensive because everybody wants them."

Jesus, mate, fine! The nation is holding strong, we all have jobs, homes,family, property we can eventually sell: but you're right, both of you, let's go hang ourselves!

Nov 14, 2012

Public Apology for Not Apologising


I was drowned out amidst the Alan Jones/Julia Gillard's dad affair, so this one didn't make the cycle in time for The Punch. I liked it, and I'm sure its subject matter will become relevant again all too soon, so here you go.

---
Chinese artist Chen Wenling, credits: Ng Han Guan/AP

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here today. I know you were on your weekend. I myself had to cancel my trip overseas and rush back to make this press conference. I may have been constantly tweeting on the plane, and taking phone calls with radio stations and TV shows to fill as much air as I could with my precious voice, but I'm glad you could all make it today so I only have to say this once.

It's time to set the record straight.

Last week, I was at a dinner function where I gave a speech. I was invited there by a group of people I hardly know, just a group of students who, for some reason, wanted to hear what I have to say. Yes, I did receive a direct email from their President, whose signature, in hindsight, said he was leader of the Young Communists, but before you reminded me, I had no recollection of that memory.

While at this event, I spoke about the direction of talkback radio and political discourse, and it's alleged I made comments that might offend a person of weak constitution, particular if that person is who I specifically made the comments about. Now I'm not going to give in to speculation about what was and what wasn't recorded, and what was and wasn't publicly released on the record, except to say that any offensive statements I may have made were not supposed to be recorded or public. And the fact that they were made public, I think, is a clear indication of the dangers we're being exposed to in this day and age.

I mean, look, if I'm expected to watch what I say when I go into a public forum, well, I wouldn't be able to say anything, would I? If I'm not allowed to make someone feel awful and really offend them - and this is someone who gets offended, mind you - then what's the point of speaking?

I point out that this person gets offended not because I think it's weak and useless, but simply because I've never been offended in my life. I'm not questioning this person's choice to be offended, I'm just wondering if maybe choosing to be not offended is the better option. Certainly it would make people like me, it would make our lives easier.

In summary, I need to make it clear I never really made those comments to offend anyone, so of course they can't be considered offensive, and so really, it's like they don't exist. And anyone who was offended by them is clearly an idiot and a person of such low integrity, I'd suggest they're more akin to a slime mould than an actual human being. But that's just my opinion, and I'm paid to give my opinion, so I'm sure any sponsors out there will continue to support me as I root out slime moulds in our society. That's my job, and that's what I'll keep doing. Not offending anyone with comments that never existed because if they didn't offend someone, how could I have made them?

Thank you, I hope this has clarified the issue, and I'll be taking questions from you after I leave.

---

When Simon J. Green isn't offering arch support for the feet inside commentator's mouths, he's producing videos for The X Gene and ruining his own reputation at The Awesome Report.

Sep 28, 2012

The Guy Who Told Me To "Keep Walking, Faggot"

I forgot to write this story up. I'd been meaning to after it happened, and now I'm reminded because of this article by bridgetneval, showing a long list of nasty things that have been done to women as they go about their lives. It reminded me of this:

About a month ago, I was in Sunshine, western inner suburb of Melbourne. It was a sunny day, about 1pm. I came out of Sunshine Plaza's JB Hi Fi exit. My scooter was parked in front of NAB. For the uninitiated, I'm exiting a big door, and to my left, maybe five meters, my scooter is parked on the sidewalk.

As I fiddled for my keys, I looked over at my scooter. I heard a young man I'd not even noticed mutter something. I kept walking for a few seconds before I even realised he'd muttered it at me. He'd just threatened me!

"Keep walking, faggot."

My brain took a slow while to put together what and why. I'd looked over to my scooter, which was behind the man leaning against the edge of the doorway exit. He must have thought I was looking at him. He was standing, talking to a girl. He must have been arcing up to look tough in front of her.

If I'd actually heard the threat at the time, I may have stopped and looked right at him, most likely out of surprise. My experience tells me he'd have taken that as a return volley. It could have escalated.

This guy must be pretty basic to be acting like that, but that's how dickhead guys act towards other guys. I was just so surprised! It came out of nowhere! There are dickheads in the world, everywhere, and no one's immune. We just receive their dickheadery in different ways and varying levels of aggression.

Please, don't be a dickhead.

Aug 20, 2012

Gavin Rossdale's Audio Blog: Day 366

How will the war between man, rat and mouse turn out? Will Gavin's training in the SAS help? Will we ever address the fact that his accent is horrendously off from his actual British? Find out in the thrilling conclusion to... Game of Thrones!

The orange play button has sent you an apology letter in the mail. It's really, very sorry. It wanted you to know that, then press it, for old time's sake.



You can listen to all the Gavin Rossdale Audio Blogs in a Soundcloud set:
http://soundcloud.com/simon-j-green/sets/gavin-rossdales-audio-blog

Aug 13, 2012

Gavin Rossdale's Audio Blog: Day 365

Holy hell! It's getting intense now. Learn about Gavin's military past. Prepare along side him by listening to his voice describe things, and use your imagination to picture those descriptions. Don't forget to send your three-word answer in to our competition, closing in just two days.

The orange play button pressed charges for abuse after you hit it. Hit it again!

Aug 9, 2012

Lady's Son Is Sweet, So She Worries He's A Murderer

Because there was a shooting, video games are again being scrutinised.

A mother was concerned that her otherwise sweet, delightful men - son and husband - were playing violent video games.

This is the article, with an unfortunate title.
http://www.ivillage.com.au/the-lounge-room-habit-could-lead-murder/150926

I couldn't help but leave the following comment, which I think is worth sharing:


Oh dear, not again! Every time there's a shooting, this issue pops up. As an older gamer, a son and eventually a father, I can assure you that it's not the video games you need to be worried about. For every gamer who is also a shooter, there are hundreds, thousands, millions who are not. When it comes to our understanding of violence in the real world, a video game is as relevant as the couch we sit on to play, or the junk food we eat too much of while we press buttons. It's not the video game that's disturbed: it's the person. A disturbed person could find triggers in movies, wildlife docos, boxing matches, a street lamp, a dog! 
There's never been conclusive evidence that a violent video game is going to create a violent child. How long do you keep looking for something when there's less and less evidence it exists? And why is it always linked just to violent video games? Look at sport. Football, be it AFL in Australia or NFL in the States - both codes have far more trouble with violent players, who are enacting violence in the real world more regularly than the hapless geek sitting on his couch at night and going to work by day. But are there as many articles titled,
"The Sporting Habit That Could Lead To Murder/Gay Bashing/Stabbing/Fights/Public Urination"? 
Let's get back to you, concerned mother. The Aurora shooter had a college psychiatrist flag him. It's alleged his mother had an idea about him. The Sikh temple shooter was in a Nazi band. You've said in this article that your son and husband are gentle, sweet people. What's the problem, exactly? Here's the thing: stop looking at simply playing a video game as being a worry or a threat. Look for ACTUAL signs. Is your son distant, does he mutter to himself, does he strangle cats, is he a member of a Nazi band? THOSE are things you should be worried about. Those are things we should all be worried about. Let's spend less time focussed on video games and more time learning about psychological illness. 
And enjoy the fact that your kid and your man are fine!

Aug 6, 2012

Gavin Rossdale's Audio Blog: Day 209

Well friends, who'd have thought we'd make it this far? It's nice to know that none of the questions we've asked these past few weeks have been answered. So why pose them? Are they all rhetorical? Only Gavin can answer that, as he delves deeper into the world of the rats.

The orange button's still there, begging you to press it. Give it some love.

Jul 30, 2012

Sounding Cloudy?

WE DID AN AUDIO THING ON SOUNDCLOUD FOR BULLET.
OK, stop yelling.
Sorry.


BULLET A Superhero Comedy-Intro SoundCloud Fellowship 2012

Gavin Rossdale's Audio Blog: Day 102

Gavin has found filler for the void in his soul, and it isn't the nice restaurants in the city. Now with shorter intro!

Click that orange play button for brief silliness, or check out the audio blogs on Soundcloud for 3% additional humour.

Jul 23, 2012

Gavin Rossdale's Audio Blog: Day 45

It's been a month, and Gavin Rossdale is shocked to discover one of the rat traps did its deed. How will he handle it? Emotionally? Spiritually? Vomitously?

Feel as connected to the lead singer of Bush as if you were reading an interview with him in Smash Hits! Just press that orange play button.

Jul 16, 2012

Gavin Rossdale's Audio Blog: Day 20

While his wife Gwen Stefani is away, Gavin notices a rat problem. Will he find the mystical pizza? And where did that rock come from? Wasn't it over behind the tree before?

Click the big orange play button to hear more thrilling Gavin Rossdale.

Jul 9, 2012

Gavin Rossdale's Audio Blog: Day 3

Gavin Rossdale is sad. His wife, Gwen Stefani has gone on tour, taking their kids Kingston and Zuma with her. Gavin's proud of his family, but has been left at loose ends. Mr Rossdale decides to start an audio blog to pass the time. This is that audio blog. These are those times. Listen to them pass.

You'll be glad you clicked play, because you like really stupid things, and this is stupid at its comedic finest.

Jun 29, 2012

Spotify Is Exactly What We've Been Saying The Future Is

Spotify is exactly what we've been saying the futre of media and entertainment will be: free music, supported by ads, with additional benefits for paying customers. I hope Spotify are putting money back into the bands, but yeah, this is the future.

Jun 17, 2012

The Mighty Boosh Related Screen on YouTube

Look how pretty the colours are! The 'Related Video' screen at the end of The Mighty Boosh episode.

Jun 10, 2012

25%+ Aussie Pirates: Reasons Why

The Intellectual Property Awareness Foundation tells us more than a quarter of Australians are pirates.
http://www.computerworld.com.au/article/426521/more_than_25_australia_ip_pirates_ipaf_says/

When video content was available on CD or DVD, there was still piracy, but it was never as widespread, nor were its proponents as vociferous as they are now. In the DVD age, piracy was more the trade of organised crime. Dedicated DIY factories would pump out pirated DVDs to sell en masse as a money making exercise for unscrupulous sorts. It wasn't the pimple-faced teenager returning after school to find his Game of Thrones had downloaded. Nor was it the Mum delighted another episode of Pregnant in Heels was up on Zshare.

The reason piracy, as it's known today, wasn't like that in the DVD age was because DVDs and CDs, on the whole, worked. When you bought a DVD of a new movie, you could play it on any DVD player or computer in your house. You could take it to your friend's home and play it on their system. You could lend it to a cousin and they'd have no trouble pressing play. All you needed was a DVD player and a TV (the cables came with, for free). If the movie or TV show came out earlier in a different country, you could go online or call overseas and order it. The disc would arrive in the mail, and if you had a region free player, or had bought an overseas model, you were sorted. There were no barriers, other than whether the video content had been released yet.

Now, it's madness. In short, it's this:

The Oatmeal's 'I tried to watch Game of Thrones and this is what happened.'

TV shows or movies are available overseas, tantalisingly a click away, but not in your country. Series are seasons behind in their digital versions, and DVD releases are becoming more chaotic as they get tied in with digital rights negotiations.

If you don't live in the U.S., it's exponentially worse. If you want to buy a digital version of a TV show, and then watch it on your TV, you have soooooo much more to do and pay for than you used to. iTunes? Thinking of using a cable to connect your iPad or iPhone to the TV? Nope - officially unauthorised. You'll need AU$100+ for AppleTV, plus the approximately 50% mark up in Australia's iTunes store for the actual content. Then there are huge delays in release dates. A popular show like Parks and Recreation, for example, is only up to season 2 on Australian iTunes, but season 4 in the US. Amazon Instant Video looks closest to working, but you need specific hardware (admittedly a far larger range than Apple), and the USA-to-Australia situation isn't entirely clear. There is no Australian Amazon or amazon.com.au, leaving compatibility questionable enough to avoid clicking 'Buy Now' for a little while yet.

More than 25% of Australians are pirates, and loudly arguing about piracy online and in the media, because actually accessing content we want to consume and are happy to pay for is becoming both ridiculous and in some cases, impossible. We used to buy a video and watch it wherever we wanted. Now, the only way to do this is to pirate. You get a video file you can play on any device, without confusing and sometimes conflicting DRM problems, and you can get it as soon as it airs from around the world. The increasingly complex, walled-garden approach of digital content distributors like Amazon and Apple are strangling the market and pushing record numbers of everyday, otherwise law-abiding citizens into piracy. The big industry players are using broken models that force their customers into positions the customers hate. Until the giant companies start simplifying and making content more accessible, they'll continue to face a growing sea of angry pirates.

Jun 5, 2012

Shane Brennan, Showrunner

Wanted to say we're going to hear Shane Brennan speak tonight at The Wheeler Centre. Shane went to the US after writing 100+ hours of produced TV in Australia. He now runs both NCIS shows. As the promotional material says, a budget of "150 million dollars and employs more than 400 people."

When we started BULLET: A Superhero Comedy, I'd already been inspired after hearing Mr Brennan talk at an AWG event. We experimented with the Showrunner model on BULLET. It worked really well, and our collaborators are excited about it all. Our goal is to take our experience and apply it to TV, blazing the trail Shane Brennan marked out for us.

The lads from BULLET are joining me tonight. We're going to come away incredibly psyched.

TV people, please take heed. This is the future of our biz. We truly believe it. If it isn't us, it'll be someone else. We plan for it to be us, though...

Jun 1, 2012

Team Ico Sexist Tosh

"Ueda stated initially they had considered using a small girl instead of a boy to interact with the creature, but realized they would have issues with an accurate representation of the girl's stamina while climbing on the creature, and further issues with questionable camera angles during climbing scenes with the girl, wearing a short skirt."
- Wikipedia

Team Ico, I love your work, but that's just tosh. Little girls can scream and run around all day! And put her in shorts! Weak.

May 25, 2012

What's Wrong With Another Herald Sun

There's a difference between a newspaper and a tabloid, and there's a reason critics need to point out which is which.

Traditionally, a newspaper recorded the news in an objective way, seeking to offer only the facts, or when the facts were in dispute, offer an even coverage of both sides. This ensured that the public were as informed as they could be in order to make their own judgements. The original intention of newspapers were to keep the populace knowledgeable. More educated, knowledgable populations should be more effective and enlightened members of society.

Tabloids were formed to take on a more sensationalist approach to news. Most often, the focus is less on events and more on people, forming or reinforcing the notion of celebrity. The tabloid's goal is to make money by providing salacious details that feed the population's desire for the darker sides of people in the spotlight. In order to build up fervour in the readership, and as a result of the owners of these tabloids often exerting their influence over the readership, strong, one-sided opinion is used to sway the reader in a single direction.

One style of reporting seeks to lift the level of our knowledge and understanding, preferring truth as pure as possible; the other maintains base understanding and prefers falsities if they support a favourable outcome for the owner.

I give this basic explanation because I worry that enough people don't necessarily know the difference. The apparent most-read newspaper in Australia is the Herald Sun. They say they are a newspaper. It's more often alleged they are a tabloid. To confuse the two is dangerous, especially if you value truth (or if you don't want to be accused of being intelligent, as seems to be a genuine desire). This is the front page of the Herald Sun from a few days back. Which do you think it is?:

May 21, 2012

Top 5 Things to do at Chadstone The Fashion Capital

Ladies and gentlebums, I spend a lot of time at classy joints. And shopping centres.

Please, check out my list Top 5 Cultural “Highlights” of Chadstone Shopping Centre at the splendid new website Melbology. Melbology fills a gap I felt has been sorely missing from the internet landscape, focussing purely on the multitude of things you can do in Melbourne, Australia. As is my wont, I am less than serious in my debut list, but I encourage you to check out the site and submit your own top 5, funny or serious.

http://www.melbology.com.au/top-5-cultural-highlights-of-chadstone-shopping-centre/

Apr 3, 2012

DIRTY FOOD REVIEW: Heinz Big'n Chunky Steak & Onion soup

A bit late, but enjoy...

Mar 20, 2012

DIRTY FOOD REVIEW: ReadyGoEat Roast Chicken Roll

My first roll! This one didn't go so well, yum-wise.

Mar 8, 2012

Kony, Charities and Commenting

The Kony thing is big right now. I watched it, was moved by the video for my own reasons, then I saw all the backlash. I can't help but feel ambivalent about the backlash, because really, we can all find ways to shrug off some charity or the other. I get steamed seeing all the pink ribbon product bouncing around, because it seems to eclipse any other, equally pressing charity or cause, so I sometimes find myself boozily railing against it amongst my smug pocket of young, white, middle-class professional friends.

But pink ribbon research into curing and supporting breast cancer patients is of course very worthwhile. The cause of Kony is too. So is the RSPCA. Or Men's Shed. Or Beyond Blue. Or Carers Victoria. Or Cystic Fibrosis Australia. Or Amnesty International. Or the bearded homeless fellow in the city who wears a peaked cap, always looks half asleep and holds out a cup for change.

For any and all of these organisations and people, I could find a reason to say no and tell my friends to avoid them. Some have evidence against them, some just give me a funny feeling. At the end of it all, I decide, quietly or publicly on Facebook, to support or not. I could also decide to dedicate my time to loudly proclaiming my position against one or all of these organisations.

My point? What's more annoying: the person who re-posts a popular non-profit's message, or the person who comments against that post?
UPDATE: Um, never mind! http://www.suntimes.com/news/nation/11405869-418/leader-of-kony-video-group-jason-russell-to-focus-on-health.html

Feb 29, 2012

Dirty Food Review: I&J Bacon Burger


HD Link: http://youtu.be/JE-qxc5RjJk?hd=1
3 out of 5 Creon!

Feb 26, 2012

Star Wars will never die, but we might!

These movies are over twenty years old. PLEASE SOMEONE FREE US FROM THIS INFINITY LOOP!

Blue Harvest, It's A Trap and Something, Something, Something Dark Side are THREE different extended parodies by Family Guy. WHY!? They even reference how common and lazy such a thing is in the title of the latter. THEN WHY!? Characters from American Dad and The Cleveland Show are dragged in to make up numbers. WHY!?

Robot Chicken also did three (THREE!) Star Wars parodies. How many jokes are left to be extracted from this inflated, bedraggled, immortal beast?

There's no doubt Star Wars appeal will continue to endure...TO OUR GRAVES AND BEYOND, LIKE A VERSION OF REPETITIVE HELL.

Feb 23, 2012

Top 5 Melbourne Work-Friendly Cafes

I do business, man. I'm a businessman. Technically. I work from home, so I'll often step out of the shack with my iPad in tow and grab a bite to eat at a cafe. Melbourne is full of varied cafes, each of them carrying their own blend of food style and coffee. Whether it's meeting a prospective client for a chat or finding somewhere with wifi while you gulp and type, here's a handy guide to the best places to work and eat in Melbourne: the Top 5 work-friendly cafes in Melbourne.

Maison Ama Lurra
About a year ago, The Age ran an article using the awful word 'coffice' - coffee and office - to describe the growing trend of entrepreneurs and freelancers using cafes as offices. Maison Ama Lurra featured as one of the prime choices, so off I went. The food tends towards entree sized Italian foods and classic breakfasts, served on rustic wooden plates or small cutting boards. The quality of the ingredients are high and fresh. The staff are the best for those with a meeting in mind. They'll show you the two specially designed function rooms, replete with A/V equipment. All you have to do is order food for your group: up to about 15 can fit. The wi-fi is free, you just have to ask for the password. The clientele are usually suited or shirt-and-tied up, ranging in the late 30s and beyond.

Seven Seeds
The coffee! Oh man, the coffee! Seven Seeds are a specialty coffee shop with a very trendy vibe and no reservations. The big solid door gives way to an ancient wood appointed open space venue with brick and high ceilings. It's a little small, but the young hipster and creative crowd seem happy to huddle close by at the communal slab tables. The toasties here are divine, with fancy filling like walnut jam and spiced pumpkin heated to perfection. You'll get swiss, not cheddar. This is a great place to meet that advertising client or have a meet up with your freelance designer. No internet connection when I was there last, so there's that. It's location is tucked away in a back alley, a mainstay of the cafes and bars in Melbourne that project that sense of casual cool. Bring your outer-city or corporate compadre here to show them a gem.

The Corner Shop
Yarraville in Melbourne's west has sprung up as a competitor to Brunswick (increasingly thuggish and exploited) and St Kilda (faded remnant of what it once was) as the place for young professionals to go. The Corner Shop exemplifies the spirit of this tiny suburb: dog-friendly, open, airy, light, serving upscale versions of breakfast and lunch. This cafe is best suited to weekend lunches with co-workers or associates. You can come dressed for summer, enjoy a beer out back or sit at one the two-people inside tables surrounding the large square communal table. Again, no wi-fi, but for a Saturday catch up or Friday night strategy session, I've found The Corner Shop indispensable as a casual, chatty, atmospheric go to.

1000 £ Bend
Right smack in the middle of the city, 1000 Pound Bend is one of the newer entries, eschewing the traditional table and stiff chair set up with a couches and mismatched chairs strewn about the place instead. Free wi-fi with the password on the chalkboard, you can check your email while goldfish bubble about around you. The venue also has an art gallery and upstair room used for cinema screenings and presentations. We were there the other day for the Comedy Festival info sessions, and beer was available upstairs as well as down. The food is on the, well, hippy side, with a lot of organic and veggie based dishes. The lounge setting sets this cafes apart from the others in this list, and the clientele actually range from the aforementioned hippies to corporates both young and old, so jump in while the crowd is mixed.

The Lawson Grove Shop
I thought it only fair to include one cafe south of the river. The Lawson Grove Shop was recommended to me, and it stands as very typical of the sort of cafe one might find down south. It's pretentious, but the food is great, if a little overpriced. The atmosphere is strong, full of young folk, hipsters and South Yarra families. Its location is exciting, wedged into a corner of a hillside apartment complex, surrounded by vines and greenery. To do a bit of work might be difficult over the weekends, but a weekday can secure you a countertop or a communal wooden slab table. No WiFi, but worth a visit for some email plugging in the summer shade or spring turning.

Feb 15, 2012

Two Crips Nod

Yesterday I had a nasogastic tube inserted into my skull to measure pH levels of my belly acid. I had to have it in for 24 hours, and once I got home from hospital, needed to step out for some food. With tape all over my face and the tube leading to a device strapped around my shoulder, I felt a little self-conscious.

Coming out into the carpark, I saw a chap in a wheelchair pulling up to his car. He saw me, I saw him. We both nodded. We both had an idea of what the other was thinking.

Crip brotherhood.

Feb 10, 2012

Here's the latest article of mine on The Punch. All's I'm saying is, if each generation really was worse than the last, we'd all be running around wildly raping each other, covered in infant blood right now.

http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/the-world-has-always-been-going-to-hell-in-a-handbasket/

Jan 16, 2012

I did


Tina Fey.

Jan 10, 2012

UPDATE: Stuff I've Done

Here's some stuff that's been put up around the internets by Simmy G.

On The Nervous Breakdown, I look at the comedian Louis C.K.'s Live At The Beacon Theatre sales experiment, and what it means for the future of the industry. He made $1 million!
http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/sjgreen/2011/12/louis-c-k-s-great-experiment/

Mia Freedman copped it, and I defended her... sort of. On The Punch, I express a feeling many Australians share: that sport isn't everything, and maybe we should have a ticker tape parade for nobel prize winners too. This one got a lot of people (unnecessarily) angry.
http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/im-a-proud-aussie-and-i-dont-give-a-stuff-about-sport/

I was confused as hell when a woman who won an award for helping deaf children hear was attacked in the media by deafness advocates. Read my piece on ABC's Ramp Up, where I learn all about deafness as a culture, not just a malady.
http://www.abc.net.au/rampup/articles/2011/10/18/3342304.htm