We'll be seeing the franchise film dominate playlists in 2132, with Michael Myers, Pumpkinhead and the kid's favourite green ogre, Shrek making the headlines.
Long time genre fans are keen to watch the unstoppable Michael Myers in his 35th appearance, Halloween 3: Murder Magnetism. With the Halloween behemoth in it's fourth cycle of remakes, we asked rap artist turned director The Terminus how he plans to keep the white faced killer fresh.
"What we gonna do is, we gonna bring him into the post-racial Mars environment. Myers has always been a creature of his time, but he adapts, right? That's what I remember from the first bunch of remakes anyway. So what we gonna do is make his mask black and see how he takes care of horny teenagers on colonised Mars n' shit."
Speaking of adapting, Hollywood loves innovation and with stabilised cloning celebrating it's 100th anniversary, Universal WarnerFox have scheduled two Pumpkinhead films to coincide. Both will be directed by American McGees, with McGee3 bringing us Pumpkinhead vs Pinhead while McGee4 works on the prequel to last year's box-office smash. Rumour of a deeper look into Pumpkinhead's origin was confirmed when the much loved auteur spoke to us Friday."Yes, we will indeed be examining Pumpkinhead's family life. We've got a great young actor from New Canada called Stewart Fung playing the baby demon... well, that is, his embryonic DNA will be used to synthesise a virus that turns little Fung into a mutant shaped as a pumpkinhead demon. We think people are going to love it, and the tie in with my cellular copy's Versus film should be great!"
The technique of giving birth to synthesised non-human characters is still facing controversy as protest groups complain decomposition of used bodies is nowhere near biodegradable enough. At present, city dumps are holding these scientific breakthroughs, but public health groups are demanding concession pricing so that cast off bodies can be put on litter-rockets launched weekly into space.
McGee4's response? "All I know is it's a hell of a lot cheaper than employing the CG guys!"
Lastly, one for the kiddies in the return of the King of Far, Far Away. Shrek was last seen trundling off into the sunset eight years ago in the memorable sign off film Shrek 46: Shrek of Green Gables. His offsider Puss in Boots has been carrying the Dreamworks franchise ever since, but his next outing will bring back the grumpy green giant. Multi-Oscar winning DirectorBot 239 has churned out the 58th Shrek film, titled Puss in Boots 3: Shrek, and Dreamworks spokesman Steven Green had this to say about the exciting come back:
"Look, we all love Puss in Boots. Some have said we love him more than Shrek or even Princess Fiona, but we took the public's temperature and they want a return to grass roots values. That's why, for this film, we did something a little different. Instead of feeding DirectorBot 239 a bunch of slightly outdated cultural references and letting him hack out a script that way, we fed him Christian propoganda and bibles. This new Shrek film is going to keep everyone where they should be: at home. And all to a hip cover of the Baha Men's classic, Who Let The Dogs Out."
With no cast, crew or even equipment outside of DirectorBot's internal processors, Puss in Boots 3: Shrek will be ready almost immediately after its announcement date.
That's it for movie news. This is Sylvia Staph, it's 2132 and you're watching E!²
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