Alternate Reality AusPol

In science fiction, there is a story element featuring an aberration in a greater force – space/time continuum, the force, fate. An event occurs that throws the natural order of things out of whack, and for the duration of the story, everything goes weird. The Russians won the Cold War, Earth was enslaved by aliens, mum and dad never got together. The hero, trapped in this strange, recurring aberration, spends his or her time trying to rectify the tear or warp or magical twitch, and in the end, everything slurps back down a vortex of time and reverts back to normal, with none but the hero any the wiser.

If Kevin Rudd wins this next ballot and returns to Labor leadership, and then his party is defeated, there’s a nice symmetry that would, in a science fiction plot, be the perfect plot device that brings everything slurping back to the way things were.

Rudd was heading to a Labor loss when Julia Gillard stepped in. The following election cycle, with its hung parliament, the constant battle between Rudd and Gillard and the invisible but omnipresent opposition leader were all so bizarre, the years felt like that warp, that tear, that divergent timeline where everything was wrong.

I hope Rudd wins the ballot, because then he’ll lose the election he was meant to lose, and all in the Labor party will be razed, torn out, slurped away as that ‘shadow universe’ and Australian politics, maybe, will return to a more regular, comfortable, predictable, forward moving world.

Only we’ll all know, and there were no heroes.

Our go at Crowdfunding

Not asking much, comparatively, and we're giving you stuff you might actually like.
UPDATE: HA! We failed! Ba bowm.

Two New Articles Online, Both Medical

I had two articles on national online publications in December. Both are about medical/disability issues. One's meant to be funny, one's serious. Enjoy, cud-chuckers!

The Funny One:

NDIS bill introduced, man buys a Mazda 6
http://www.abc.net.au/rampup/articles/2012/12/13/3653645.htm

The Serious One:

A horde of untrained doctors is no good for our health

http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-hoard-of-untrained-doctors-is-no-good-for-our-health/

Apple Isn't Good Any More, Or, Everyone Else Is Better

Here's what I figure, after exploring for my own personal use:

When it came to phones and tablets, Apple was great. Steve Jobs, like or loathe, was central to the vision of Apple. He would say no to releasing a product if it didn't meet his standards. Sometimes, that was in conflict with traditional business imperatives. There must have been executives, marketers, salespeople urging Jobs to do anything from releasing more versions of products in a year to squeezing more out of the equity consumers had built in Apple. Steve kept the wolves at bay, so to speak.

Then he died.

Now, to me, it seems like the wolves are chewing the fat off the bones. iDevices are coming thick and fast, with substandard updates, rubbish software and unexciting advances. I remember when we'd read the list of updates to an iPhone and marvel at the changes, salivate for the differences, be pleased with the innovation. The gap each successive iPhone or iPad jumps gets narrower and narrower. It's clear to me that those in charge of Apple are taking advantage of the fact that when a person thinks of a smart phone, they think of an iPhone. They got such market share and recognition for long enough, that early adopters turned into my parents. They went from fighting for the top, to cruising the sky.

The resulting auto-pilot lead me and my girlfriend to pull our heads out of the clouds and look around.

Everyone else caught up, and they have features that either should always have been in iProducts, or far surpass them in terms of innovation and usefulness. Now, my fiancee is going to buy a Samsung Galaxy S III, and when we look around, we notice the same early adopters that got the original iPhone - the dev nerd, the media geek, the gadget aficionado - already has one. I just booted up my Sony Xperia S Tab for the first time today.

Apple was great. I'm not going to be an oversimplifying idiot and talk about cults or zombies. Instead, I'll say that when Apple was innovating, I loved the iPhones and iPads I bought, and any shortfalls were worth it because of the highlights...until they weren't.

Unhappy Australians In An Unhappy (But Well Off) Country

There were reports earlier this year about the nation experiencing a good economic and social situation in an increasingly downturned world, but that Australians were still negative about their outlook. We were seen as being out of step with reality, with other nations worse off than us coming off more positive about the future. Shorthand: we looked like a bunch of privileged, whining complainers.

I had two experiences with strangers recently that emphasised those reports.

I had my scooter towed. The man who picked us up took me into the city, and we got to talking while I bobbed along in his passenger seat.

Among the stories of identity theft and scooter efficiency, the driver decried superannuation as the biggest scam perpetrated by a government rife with business interference. I suggested that maybe it was a good thing we all had to prepare for retirement, but he insisted the money just sitting there, earning interest or making profit off investments that the superannuation owners got to enjoy was outrageous. I offered that it was a good thing we'd been given a choice of who to trust our super with. Nope, he wouldn't have a bar of it. As far as he was concerned, people using our money to make a profit was awful.

"You can always just stash it in a bank, then, or a coffee can under your bed?"

The second chap came to install our oven. We talked about the high cost of living, and he asked if I thought it was better in America. I told him it was most decidedly not. Healthcare, education, working conditions. No way. And perhaps the higher cost of living was necessary for a better life in a better country. He seemed dissatisfied with that, shrugged.

A few tweaks of his screwdriver later, he complimented the suburb I live in. We spoke about how the west of Melbourne is a growth area, that we'd bought because we thought we'd get a good price when we eventually sold. He said it still wouldn't be much, though, compared to what we'd paid and what we'd have to pay for a new place.

He shared with me the original price of his property in Narre Warren, mere tens of thousands. I remarked that now, once he sold, he'd make huge profit. Nope, because then he'd have to buy another place and lose it all. This man was actually complaining about the big profit he'd make on his real estate sale. He'd bought early, just like my parents had in the same south eastern part of Melbourne. Now that prices are so high out there, it's the perfect time for folks like him to take advantage of the market. But nope, everything's the worst.

"My mum's probably going to sell her four bedroom and get a smaller one-bedroom now that we kids have moved out, and sit pretty off the difference."

"But even one-bedrooms are too expensive because everybody wants them."

Jesus, mate, fine! The nation is holding strong, we all have jobs, homes,family, property we can eventually sell: but you're right, both of you, let's go hang ourselves!

Public Apology for Not Apologising

I was drowned out amidst the Alan Jones/Julia Gillard's dad affair, so this one didn't make the cycle in time for The Punch. I liked it, and I'm sure its subject matter will become relevant again all too soon, so here you go.

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Chinese artist Chen Wenling, credits: Ng Han Guan/AP

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here today. I know you were on your weekend. I myself had to cancel my trip overseas and rush back to make this press conference. I may have been constantly tweeting on the plane, and taking phone calls with radio stations and TV shows to fill as much air as I could with my precious voice, but I'm glad you could all make it today so I only have to say this once.

It's time to set the record straight.

Last week, I was at a dinner function where I gave a speech. I was invited there by a group of people I hardly know, just a group of students who, for some reason, wanted to hear what I have to say. Yes, I did receive a direct email from their President, whose signature, in hindsight, said he was leader of the Young Communists, but before you reminded me, I had no recollection of that memory.

While at this event, I spoke about the direction of talkback radio and political discourse, and it's alleged I made comments that might offend a person of weak constitution, particular if that person is who I specifically made the comments about. Now I'm not going to give in to speculation about what was and what wasn't recorded, and what was and wasn't publicly released on the record, except to say that any offensive statements I may have made were not supposed to be recorded or public. And the fact that they were made public, I think, is a clear indication of the dangers we're being exposed to in this day and age.

I mean, look, if I'm expected to watch what I say when I go into a public forum, well, I wouldn't be able to say anything, would I? If I'm not allowed to make someone feel awful and really offend them - and this is someone who gets offended, mind you - then what's the point of speaking?

I point out that this person gets offended not because I think it's weak and useless, but simply because I've never been offended in my life. I'm not questioning this person's choice to be offended, I'm just wondering if maybe choosing to be not offended is the better option. Certainly it would make people like me, it would make our lives easier.

In summary, I need to make it clear I never really made those comments to offend anyone, so of course they can't be considered offensive, and so really, it's like they don't exist. And anyone who was offended by them is clearly an idiot and a person of such low integrity, I'd suggest they're more akin to a slime mould than an actual human being. But that's just my opinion, and I'm paid to give my opinion, so I'm sure any sponsors out there will continue to support me as I root out slime moulds in our society. That's my job, and that's what I'll keep doing. Not offending anyone with comments that never existed because if they didn't offend someone, how could I have made them?

Thank you, I hope this has clarified the issue, and I'll be taking questions from you after I leave.

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When Simon J. Green isn't offering arch support for the feet inside commentator's mouths, he's producing videos for The X Gene and ruining his own reputation at The Awesome Report.

The Guy Who Told Me To "Keep Walking, Faggot"

I forgot to write this story up. I'd been meaning to after it happened, and now I'm reminded because of this article by bridgetneval, showing a long list of nasty things that have been done to women as they go about their lives. It reminded me of this:

About a month ago, I was in Sunshine, western inner suburb of Melbourne. It was a sunny day, about 1pm. I came out of Sunshine Plaza's JB Hi Fi exit. My scooter was parked in front of NAB. For the uninitiated, I'm exiting a big door, and to my left, maybe five meters, my scooter is parked on the sidewalk.

As I fiddled for my keys, I looked over at my scooter. I heard a young man I'd not even noticed mutter something. I kept walking for a few seconds before I even realised he'd muttered it at me. He'd just threatened me!

"Keep walking, faggot."

My brain took a slow while to put together what and why. I'd looked over to my scooter, which was behind the man leaning against the edge of the doorway exit. He must have thought I was looking at him. He was standing, talking to a girl. He must have been arcing up to look tough in front of her.

If I'd actually heard the threat at the time, I may have stopped and looked right at him, most likely out of surprise. My experience tells me he'd have taken that as a return volley. It could have escalated.

This guy must be pretty basic to be acting like that, but that's how dickhead guys act towards other guys. I was just so surprised! It came out of nowhere! There are dickheads in the world, everywhere, and no one's immune. We just receive their dickheadery in different ways and varying levels of aggression.

Please, don't be a dickhead.