5 Common Irks For Those Who Know CF Patients

My friend and old housemate Dr. Sean Fabri sent me a sweet companion piece to my 5 CF irks! Read on to see what gets the goat of those who know sickos like me.
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Irk # 1.

The stenches. CF patients don't digest their food very well, which is why they're on all those tablets. Occasionally this gives rise to them passing wind, but not a normal wind, more of a yellow, screaming demon wind, which is going to claw your eyes out, and linger far longer than you thought possible. On long roadtrips, Simon would periodically shoot hot injections of this wind into my car seats.

Irk # 2.

The coughing is easy to get used to. I've lived with someone with CF, and you just tune it out, or in fact, use it to locate them in shopping centres, or remind you that they're okay. Except, of course, that there is almost always a coughing fit at 4am, which ends abruptly, and you lie awake thinking, "is he okay? what if he's not? I can't check, he does this every night. But what if this time...?"

Irk # 3.
The venom with which they rail against kids with cancer. It makes perfect sense. The cancer kids get all the resources and fame. But somehow hearing the rants against them feels like you're breaking a taboo. Society will forgive them, but YOU will be thrown to the vipers, just for having listened sympathetically.

Irk # 4.

You never get the tiniest shred of sympathy from them when you're suffering a minor cold, or sore tummy.

Irk # 5.

Linked to irk #1, the poor digestion means that CF patients can eat pretty much the fattiest, most wicked foods, all day long, and not really put on much weight. I understand this is actually a disadvantage for them, but when you are on a diet, and you've had an apple for lunch, and you're still putting on flab, and then they casually eat an entire roast turkey while you both wait for a bus, well... it's annoying.